Imitation-Rwandan Food for Thought

I haven't been in Rwanda long enough to merit any judging rights. But, being in the position I am in - not completely able to relate to my Rwandan family and neighbors but also not here for the same reasons as most of the expats I have come into contact with - I am seeing a lot of different things from the outside, and from many different angles.

There is one particular thing I am noticing more and more as I observe people around me. I had originally typed up whole stories about the specific occurrences, but to avoid making this a gossip column, I decided to make this a more of a general thought. And the thought is this:

It seems to me that people who travel the world, whether for work, religious missions, to study, whatever reason, as they become more experienced with the expatriate life, they begin to develop a certain attitude towards others who are doing the exact same thing. It's an attitude that seems to say something along the lines of "I know the best way to live in a foreign country because I've lived it, so I have the right to tell others how to do it." I've read countless blog posts and Facebook posts, and I have overheard numerous conversations, both before and since moving here, pointing out how other people are doing it all the wrong way. Not all expats here are necessarily this way, but I will say, it seems more often to be the people who did it all mostly on their own.

From the perspective of an outsider looking in, I can imagine that all of us expats here are a little bit insecure about our purposes here. And, from what I have gathered, insecurity often inspires the need to justify to ourselves our own personal reason for what we do, for instance, taking up space in a country that isn't our original home and living life in a place where we aren't completely sure if we're wanted. But while finding that personal validity, I think we find ourselves tempted to compare and decide that we think our reason for being here, or our way of doing things while we're here, is better than others. I catch myself falling into that trap just like anyone else. I sometimes think to myself that because I didn't come here trying to improve something, or that because I'm here to live with a Rwandan, and to actually learn the language and the culture, my motives are more genuine. That thought makes me feel good about myself for a second.

But that makes me no better than anybody else. That just makes me different. I have my own way of finding my niche, and I have my own attitude to check every time I exit our compound and realize where I am. And that's why I think it's a little counterproductive for someone to be so blatantly outspoken about their negative opinions of other expats, unless what someone is doing is obviously harmful.  We're all doing our best to find our fit. We're all trying to turn our passions into something that we feel is actually useful to society, and not just taking up time and space. We're all tying to hang on to a little bit of home at the same time because it's part of who we are. And, the truth is, we're all a little unsure if we're doing it all the right way. So, hopefully, over time I won't lose the conviction to have grace for other people who are in the situation I am in now. Because that's exactly what I need at this point.