Agreeing to Learn

I think we can all agree that we can't always agree. No matter how much we love someone or something, there will be something about it that just doesn't agree with you. I absolutely love Rwanda, and I think that moving here was one of the best decisions I made. But not everything about living in Rwanda agrees with me.

One of the most difficult things for me has been dealing with the amount of attention attention I get from strangers simply because I am a Muzungu (specifically meaning a white person but used to refer to any westerner or foreigner from a generally wealthier country).

Just to clarify before I go on, there's a lot of history that goes behind the mindset that leads people to treat westerners this way. In fact, it's a lot of history that involves a bunch of westerners trying to convince all the locals in Africa that their way is better and that these societies can't survive without outside help. So I can't really be mad at the individuals I encounter, but it still frustrates me in the moments when I am receiving the excessive attention. It frustrates me that I feel obligated to respond to every single person who wants to interact with me, even if that's every third person I pass by. It frustrates me that some people have been conditioned to believe that westerners are somehow special. It frustrates me that people seem to think that I actually want the attention. It frustrates me that just because I am a Muzungu, people assume I am nice and charitable and want to hug every child that comes up to me. And it frustrates me that I feel guilty for not being that stereotypical people-loving missionary type of person that I feel like people are often expecting me to be. Even the word Muzungu sometimes gives me shivers because I feel like it represents all of these things that I am not. I just want to be my normal introverted self and only talk to the people I am prepared to talk to, and that's it!

The truth is, that's just one among a handful of cultural things that tend to rub me the wrong way and, in turn, sometimes provoke me to act a little peeved at people. Often times I even feel that I am completely justified for acting that way. Sometimes I will think of something sassy I can say next time it happens and I will later ask my husband how to say it in Kinyarwanda (although he's usually against that idea).

...But lately I've been wrestling with an idea that seems to keep coming up. Although my attitude towards people sometimes may not show it, I truly believe that the reason there are so many of us all over the world is that we all need people. We need real, loving, healthy relationships with other human beings in order to thrive. That's not to say we all  need the to be a people-person. But even if you are like me and will only have a handful of relationships in your lifetime, you need them. So maybe these soap boxes that I sometimes become very adamant to stand so firmly on is not worth burning bridges before they are even made. What I mean by that is that I and others often become so stubborn to stick to an idea that we lose out on the opportunity to create relationships. We may even end up destroying the relationships we have.

And, of course, this doesn't just apply to me being bothered by the unnecessary attention. It goes for any instance where we might leave many people behind because we think we've taken the high road. I'm not saying that you should completely give up on what you believe as soon as you meet someone with a different way of being. And I do think that there are some things that are obviously directly harmful that no one should put up with, such as abuse or murder. But, just ask yourself these questions when faced with a person or situation that doesn't agree with your stance on something. Is my belief worth the loss of a friend or an opportunity to make one? Can I really absolutely not stomach this thing long enough to approach people with kindness? Am I really making a difference in people's actions or mindsets by approaching them with anger or hostility? And lastly, does this thing do actual harm to people, or does it just make me uncomfortable?

There are some "issues" people have created which I have come to believe are not real problems, and while I try not to get too specific on social media about these things, I will just say that I strongly believe that certain mindsets only build walls between people and do no good. And I think that some people believe these things because that's what they have been told for so long, and they can't shake the idea that their way is the right way and that something might go wrong if they to try to understand the other side. I've been there, and I can just say that there is so much more love and freedom in letting people into your life and trying to learn from them.

And lastly, if you still really feel like you are truly in the right in your opinion of something, it's better for people to learn by seeing how you live your life. Especially if you seem willing to understand their side. People become much more hostile when you use volume and force to try to convince others. I may get frustrated when people call me a Muzungu because of what it represents in my mind, but maybe instead of trying to change everyone's vocabulary, maybe I can just be comfortable to be who I am and people will start to see that not every Muzungu is the stereotype.

So although me and Rwanda may not always see eye to eye, I have decided that it will do me much better to try to be understanding or simply just to handle my discomforts with kindness. I have to give myself this pep talk every time I leave the house, and sometimes my nature wins out and I just want to be mean all day. But I think that being away from most of the people I love has reminded me that I will only be alone if I let certain things get in the way of having positive interactions with people. And even as introverted as I am, I can admit that I need people, I need love, and maybe, if I am open to others, I can share in the good things that come from accepting people into my life even for just a short moment.